In Between the ‘No Mores’ and ‘Wait Tills’
By CONNIE S.C. LIM
Why is parenting so hard?
My 11 year old ambles out of bed, mumbles a ‘Good morning mom’ and proceeds to ask, ‘Can I play with my PlayStation 2?’ ‘NO! NO! NO!’’ I scream on the inside…..but luckily (I am not too sure, more for him or me) I am able to calmly tell him ‘No, not yet’ simply because I don’t want his brains to turn to rot, first thing in the morning. Then I proceed to explain at length, the necessities of starting the day right with a good breakfast, bla bla bla…. while my 8 year old makes a bee line from the bedroom to the kitchen, bypassing the older sibling getting a lecture from mom and proceeds to inhale a packet of Mamee Monster for breakfast… I hate my job!
I have a 15 year old, an 11 year old and an 8 year old. Friends with younger kids say… ‘You are so lucky! Your kids are all grown up already, no more diaper changes, no more burping, no more breast feeding, no more this, no more that….’ and then, friends with older, more grown up kids will happily share with you, ‘Wait till they start to drive, wait till they start to drink, wait till they start having boyfriends/girlfriends, or both!’
So, can anyone tell me, what stage are my kids at? They are no longer at the ‘no more’ stage, neither are they at the ‘wait till’ stage (although…please, bear in mind that I could be in serious denial about this stage though…)
All right… somebody better tell me now, when exactly do kids become hassle free and good filial children? Anyone? Come to think of it….my mother might tell you she’s still waiting for that elusive day! Darn!
Honestly, I don’t know the answer. None of the expensive child care books tell you the answer, believe me, I have searched. I am still learning. Every single day. Till today, this hour, this minute, this second, I am still learning as a parent, there is no hard and fast rule of being the perfect parent. It is about being there, journeying with my kids, sometimes we enjoy a great ride, at times, we fall. At the end of the day, when we gather to have a cuddle, tickle or a smell (sorry kids!) it satisfies and reassures me that just for that one day, I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything in the world, and that is reason enough for me to have had them in the first place. That is my MO (modus operandi), just to take one day at a time, good and bad, with my kids, simply because, my kids will continue to live their lives, whether I am there or not. So if I want to be a part of their lives, I’d better not wait for any ‘no mores’ or ‘wait tills’ to happen.
I believe parenting is hard because as kids, we tortured our parents and now, its payback time. But seriously, parenting is hard simply because we care and love our kids, and it’s always hardest when you want only the best for your loved ones, regardless of whether they want it or not.
One of my closest gal pals once said, ‘I might not be the best mother in the world, but I am the only mother they have, and I am the best they have got!’ That works well for me. What about you?
Big Momma
Category: Latest News, Parenting
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My 3 year old was ‘drumming’ with the lion dance CD on 7.30am today. I told him, ‘Shhh!!! The neighbours are sleeping’. He replied, while drumming, “Chinese New Year IS noisy”. I learn a lot from my kids. I hope they learn something from me sometimes.
My husband and I are often told to wait 2 more years (don’t know where the ’2 year’ range came from) and it would be easier to handle the kids. We are still waiting for things to ease up . Reading your article and Marianne’s reply, we won’t hold our breath waiting.
Don’t have an answer for you but I must admit, your girlfriend is right!We are indeed the best they’ve got. Can’t go wrong there. Besides, every kid is different and the phases they go through are unique to them. Sure there are some generalizations but honestly, how many of those expensive parenting books out there can really tell you if you are doing a good job as a parent. I just know that I too am doing the best I can.
Enjoyed your article. Thanks!